Monday, June 29, 2015


Here we is the end of June. We are halfway through 2015. When I think back on the first half of this year, the last word that comes to mind is peace.

I lost my mom in February, and two weeks later lost my grandpa. Definitely not a peaceful time in my life. 

Recently my family has gone through a lot of changes. While some are good and exciting, it still comes with stress, unknowns, and no peacefulness.

I found this definition of peace:

-freedom of the mind from annoyance, distraction, anxiety, an obsession, etc.; tranquillity; serenity.

That's basically the total opposite of how I've felt lately...
I've had relationships fall apart, distanced myself from others, and cried a lot when I've been alone.

My friend, Elizabeth, recently went to Israel, and sent this e-mail to me:

In Israel, they use the word Shalom a lot. Shalom means Peace. It was a word that I needed to hear and learn, especially lately. I had no idea that word would mean what it does to me. Now I'm passing it on to you. 

Shalom, friend. Love you and praying for you. 

John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

I didn't realize it until this morning, but the real reason I have no peace, is because I'm fearful. I'm scared of the unknown, the unexpected. Lately I've had so much crashing down around me, that I can't see how to get out of it. But I see it now. Peace...freedom of the mind from anxiety. That's what I crave, what I need.  I realized that's what I needed when listening to a song I've listened to a lot after my mom passed away. It's the song "I am not alone" by Kari Jobe.
When I walk through deep waters
I know that You will be with me
When I'm standing in the fire
I will not be overcome
Through the valley of the shadow
I will not fear
I am not alone
I am not alone
You will go before me
You will never leave me
Side bar: Listen to this adorable version of it. I LOVE that he loves to sing with me :)

I underlined "I will not fear", because when that line was playing I stopped singing, and started crying. I've been so fearful that I haven't even allowed Christ to give me His peace that He is willing and able to give. 

This is it:

Matthew 6:30-34 (The Message)
30-33 “If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
34 “Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.
So now, what does this mean? I don't really know. I do know this, though--He cares. He loves me. He wants good things and not bad things for me. Nothing good comes from worry--only destruction. It destroys my mind and my attitude. I should probably write these verses on a poster and wear them around my neck. I do know this--I want to actively pursue God's gifts for me. He has them there for us all. It must break His heart when we are too fearful or preoccupied with our lives that we don't stop to accept what He so willingly wants to give.

I'll leave you with lyrics from another song that has meant a lot to me for many years.
"Table for Two" by Caedmon's Call

Well this day's been crazy
But everything's happened on schedule
From the rain and the cold
To the drink that I spilled on my shirt
'Cause You knew how You'd save me
Before I fell dead in the garden
And You knew this day
Long before You made me out of dirt
And You know the plans that You have for me
And You can't plan the end and not plan the means
And so I suppose I just need some peace
Just to get me to sleep.

I'm participating in a blog circle with some amazing and beautiful women. Click here
to see Jana's recipe for peppermint brownies. I LOVE that she has a paleo version :)

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