Wednesday, October 21, 2015

And I'm loved by you, It's who I am...

What defines me?

I've been thinking about that a lot lately. This past year has been a whirlwind in many ways. I've always been what some would consider "too sensitive" so it's no surprise that my feelings have been hurt a lot lately. There are a few people that used to talk to me, that now don't even make eye contact with me. I haven't done anything to deserve the treatment and maybe that's why it hurts. I've been asking God daily "what do I need to learn from this?" and I believe He's slowly been showing me.

I have allowed this hurt and these people to take my thoughts captive. I have dwelt on what I wish I could say, and I've regretted ever opening up to them in the past. Ultimately, God has told me to let it go, but I feel like He's also telling me I can't just let it go, but I have to move past it and forgive them for their "mean girl" attitudes toward me. I hate thinking about what has been said about me behind my back, and that these people, who never really cared to know me, have made up their mind about me based on someone's angry ramblings.

Another thing he's shown me is that I have actual real-life friends that love me just the way I am. He reminds me of that daily with a text or phone call from a friend. These are people I can be myself around and that also show me what "The Church" should be made up of...people that love and care for each other.

Ultimately, I think God has been trying to teach my stubborn self that no one else can define me. God defines me and that is ALL I should allow to capture my mind. This song came on the radio the other day and it was my first time to hear it.
The chorus says:
You're a good, good Father
It's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are
And I'm loved by you
It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am
-"Good Good Father" by Chris Tomlin
I have decided to make that my mantra. When I'm feeling sad or even angry that these people have hurt me, I remind myself "I am loved by Jesus Christ. THAT is who I am. Nothing more, nothing less."

I read this on Facebook today by Ann Voskamp (if you don't follow her, you really should):
Lord, when I don't like me,
You still love me, You still like me, You still lavish me with acceptance.
When I am fed up with me, You invite me to Your feast,
When I am done -- with me, with life, with everything,
You whisper, "Hang on -- I am making *all things* -- *you* -- new." (Rev21:5)
And when I want to quit, You cup my face: "This great work I started in you? I won't stop that beautiful work until you are fully, completely, gloriously beautiful" (Phil1:6, 1Cor2:7)

So this becomes our brave & broken-hearted hallelujah, the one we sing into the dark, even when it's hard to believe:
I am His Beloved, His Beloved, His Beloved... and even now I will be held.
In the name of the only One who loved us to death & back to the real & forever life... Amen.
I think I'll need to put this on a poster and hang it up on my bathroom mirror, and I should probably post it in my office, too.

I am loved by Jesus. It's who I am. I am His Beloved. He is making all things--ME--new.