Reconciliation

I have always been a peacemaker. I hate for people to be upset and I hate for people to not like me. It's ok if someone isn't my friend just because we have nothing in common, but for someone to dislike me, because they know me and don't like me is hard for me to accept.

Life lately has been weird. In my adult life, I've had exactly 2 people that I've asked for reconciliation. The first time, I was in college and had been hurt by someone's actions, but I went to her and asked if we could move past it. I didn't really care if we remained friends, but I did want her to know that as a Christian I didn't plan to hold a grudge for what had happened. It certainly didn't happen overnight, and we aren't good friends, but if I saw her in public, we would surely say hello. 

The second time was much more recent and ended with a lot of unanswered questions. I prayed about reaching out to this person and was even encouraged to do so by someone that knew her well. I prayed as I wrote to this person, and after several rough drafts, I sent only what I felt like God wanted me to say. I got a response, but still a lot of unanswered questions. It's hard to be accused of things when you have no idea what you did and the only person that can answer that won't. It's also hard to be spoken to so harshly and uncaring by someone I used to think was a friend. 

Through this process, I was reminded of something I read awhile back from Jen Hatmaker:

If we knew what was really going on, we would be so much kinder, gentler, and more understanding with each other. We would understand that fear sometimes looks like anger, and that sadness sometimes looks like cool detachment, and that pain sometimes looks like cynicism. The exaggerated reaction usually belies something very raw underneath. Life is hard and people are struggling. We would do well to assume most folks are far more tender than they are letting on. We should treat people with a disproportionate amount of grace, because the worst thing that could happen ISN'T that they didn't really need it when we offered it...but that they really did need it and we failed to notice.

 Here's what I do know: I have no idea what this person is going through personally, just like this person has no idea what I'm going through. Fear sometimes looks like anger. All I see is anger from this person, but underneath it all, maybe it's fear. I reached out in grace and love, hoping for answers, and I came up empty, but what I do know is that I did what I felt like God told me to do.

Thankfully I have been surrounded by my husband and friends that love me and now I can only forgive and move on. I know that I have honored God in my words and actions. I have gone before Him and asked for his guidance, and I believe He brought me to this point. I also believe that He already knew this would happen, and that there is a lesson in it all.
 
I found this definition of reconciliation: the state of being reconciled, as when someone becomes resigned to something not desired.

That is exactly what I've had to do today...become resigned to something not desired. However, I believe what Matthew wrote: "whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven" and so today, I will loose the hold this has had on me here on earth, so it shall be loosed in heaven.

What I DO know as truth--God uses everything for HIS glory! 

And, as Taylor Swift says, "Shake it off"... :)
(Just had to end with a little humor after getting that off my chest...)